Now, I am back to waiting and worrying. I have been putting my life on hold. I can’t vacation with my friends. I have to tell people that I can’t commit to plans, as I’m not sure when this surgery will take place. I become depressed and obsessed with a stupid date. I also wonder again if I am making the right decision. I am back on the internet, reading accounts of people who didn’t have a good experience. I decide that I need another ultrasound to help me make this decision. I have my GP order a third ultrasound and I learn that my thyroid and the dominant mass have both grown significantly since the last scan. I also get another severe respiratory infection which makes breathing difficult once again. I continue my on-line research and come to the conclusion that the surgery IS the right thing to do for me.
I tell my employer that I have to have surgery but am not sure when. She has me try to find replacements for fabricated dates. In December I call and try to get some idea of a date. They have no idea. They can’t even give me a month: probably January; maybe February. They will call me when they know. I don’t want to call them and drive them crazy so I wait, and I wait and I wait……
The end of January, I have an invitation from an old friend to go on an amazing adventure. It is a hiking expedition at the end of May. It will be very physical but very rewarding. I tell my husband thinking he will think it is crazy but instead he encourages me to go for it. I decide that I can’t pass it up. It gives me new life, new hope, a new attitude. I begin training for the trip right away. I make other plans; I get back to life, back to living. My friend has no idea but on some level she saved my life with her invitation. I am so excited. Still before I can book the trip I need to b sure that my surgery won’t interfere. I call the surgeon again. I want to know if there is a date and if he feels that I could do this trip after it. When I call they say that they may have a date in March but they aren’t sure. I ask my question and they say they will get back to me. One week later, I still haven’t heard and can’t reach them. I call the endocrinologist and ask if I will be ready to hike 2 months after surgery. They say I will. I book the trip. A few days later I finally reach the surgeon’s office, they confirm the date and now here I am preparing for the surgery. My employer asks me if I really need the surgery and I briefly wonder once again, but I can’t go back and forth like this and I know that for me this is what I need to do.
I am glad that I have this trip to look forward to. It has made me increase my exercise regimen and I will work even harder to get better faster post-op. I am focusing on the trip instead of the surgery and I WILL GET BETTER QUICKLY. For the past 6 weeks I have been working hard to be in good shape for the surgery and to make it to this trip. I have lost 10 lbs and am feeling stronger and more positive every day. I won’t let my crazy goiter get me down.